Creating Emotional Safety with the Just Right Place

Note: this article is connected to the audio practice, Creating Just Right Place. Feel free to use the audio practice if you prefer to listen rather than read.

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The Just Right Place is one of my favorite fundamental practices. The practice is to create an imaginary place to:

• Help us to reset our nervous systems
• Provide a container for our inner processes
• Create an inner resource that is always available for us, and cannot be accessed or changed by anyone else

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This inner resource has several important characteristics:

• Safety or ok-ness
• Nurturing and/or comfort
• A support item or team
• Wisdom and guidance 

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One of my favorite things about this resource is your imagination is the only limitation. This resource is meant to be tailored to be Just Right for you and can evolve over time as you grow and change. It is a powerful way to harness your subconscious in service of your healing and development. It can create a container for the vulnerability of self-reflective questions like “What do I need to replenish my body, heart, and mind?”  

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This seemingly simple but powerful practice has many benefits. It allows you to have a secure, predictable place that you can control. No one can enter without your permission, and it provides a container for your internal inquiry which makes your subconscious more accessible and harnesses it to support the healing process in a more intentional way.

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It can also influence your ability to feel safe in your body and the world. It does this by creating new neural pathways through rehearsing and repeating the feeling of being safe (or comforted or ok) and nurtured (or cared for). Using your Just Right Place as part of your regular practice can support the development of self-compassion. It also helps you build the ability to track what you need and want in your life. 

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When creating your Just Right Place, the most important tool you have is your imagination. Let it run wild! If imagination isn’t your strong suit, you can pull from movies, books, or stories you like, or you can ask a trusted friend to help you. The key to your Just Right Place is that it has certain characteristics:

• Safety or ok-ness: the configuration of your inner space should make you feel a sense of safety, or, if that is too difficult, then a sense of ok-ness. 
• Nurturing and/or comfort: spend some time creating a space that feels comforting
• Support item or team: add a helping team. The team represents three concepts: safety, nurturing and wisdom. It can be real or imaginary people (your grandmother, or Gandalf the wizard), it can be animals (real or imaginary – baby yoda?), or concepts/inanimate objects (warm toast or a never-ending hot chocolate fountain). 

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When creating your Just Right Place, the most important tool you have is your imagination.

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Again, your imagination is the only limit and you want to have these three concepts represented in a way that makes it as strong and accessible as possible. 

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Once you have your first version of your Just Right Place you may want to give it a name that feels right to you (I call mine my Inner Temple). You will use this resource as a landing place for some of the meditation, journaling and self-reflection practices found in The Anjuli Method. 

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Practice Script

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Sit or lie in a comfortable position where you will not be disturbed. If it is comfortable, close your eyes. Start by bringing your awareness to your body, noticing how you are feeling in the moment.  Take a moment to sort through your physical, emotional, energetic and mental bodies. Are you feeling tension in your physical body? Are there thoughts or images that are distracting you? How is your energy and heart? Then bring your awareness to your breath, noticing how your emotions, thoughts and tension are reflected in your breath. No judgment, just awareness. Start to lengthen your breath, seeing if you can allow it to become deeper, smoother, and longer. Moving toward even inhale and exhale.  

Imagine a place where you can feel calm, peaceful and/or safe. It may be a place you've been to before, somewhere you've dreamt about going to, or maybe somewhere you've seen in a picture.  Focus on the detail in your Just Right place. Notice the sounds that are around you, or perhaps the silence. Think about any smells you notice there. If it is comfortable, focus on any skin sensations - the earth beneath you, the temperature, any movement of air, anything else you can touch. 

Now think about what you might do in your Just Right Place to increase your level of safety until it feels just as safe as you need. See if you want to be alone in this place or if you want someone or something there to help protect you. This can be an animal, or a person (real or imagined) or even a higher power. It can also take the form of physical features (a moat or an island). Take a moment to sense how this change affects your body. 

When you are ready, ask yourself what you need to feel nurtured. What could you create or bring into this space that would help you feel relaxed, at ease and nourished. Again, it can be a person, concept or something completely made up as long as it feels just right to you. 

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Finally, are there people, concepts or animals that can be a resource team to support you in this place and provide guidance and wisdom? Use your imagination to identify or create as many items as you need. 

While you're in your Just Right Place, you might choose to give it a name to help you bring back the image anytime you need it. You can choose to stay there a while longer, noticing the effect this imaginal place has on your body.  

When you are ready, start to become aware of where you currently are physically. Becoming aware again of the sounds in the place you are in, the temperature of the air, feel the contact you’re your body on the surface you are resting on, reorienting yourself to the here and now. When you are ready, open your eyes. 

Practice returning to your Just Right Place, at least once a day, or as often as you need it help you feel centered and/or safe. Continue to allow yourself to imagine new elements, as they are needed.